R.I.P.

Here lies Sam's xanga. May it forever document Sam's life from January 10th, 2005- November 28, 2005.

"It was a good xanga. It never let me down. But one must put the past behind them and move on." -The Good Sam

Anyone interested in following my life from this point on may go to the newest record of my life.

www.xanga.com/streetcar_p0rnography

I feel really sad, like I'm killing my child. Oh well, I never said I was a good mother.

The other day at work these three guys came in,they were probably my age or around it. They all ordered bean and cheese burritos. Then this one kept coming back asking for ketchup packets. Nicole and I wondered what the hell they were putting ketchup on. On his third visit for ketchup the following dialogue resulted:

Me: What are you guys putting this on?

Him: My burrito.

Me: Why? That's disgusting.

Him: Uhm, No, have you ever heard of sex in the mouth?

It was pretty funny.

Today, today. It was lame. Nobody was there and I was rather lonely. Good news is I feel in control of most of my work, and that is always nice. Bad news is that Mr.Flores keeps bugging me about this scholarship that I wasn't even planning on doing. Now I feel this overpowering moral obligation to do it. It is rather nice of him to keep me informed on all of these scholarships, I should at least take some initiative and fill some out.  Yearbook seems to be under control, but I still have first deadline stuff to do, so that's not peachy.

On the way home from school Ryan and Solomon rode with Amanda. They tried to race me home, but oh how I pitied the fools. They could not arrive home sooner than I even after numerous dishonest racing techniques were implemented on their part. They cut me off, passed me, and then tried to take an alternate route. It was when they took the alternate route that I knew they would lose. I was way ahead of them and it was a glorious victory.

Once I got home I studied for about two hours, minus the numerous occasions where I dozed off for periods of time unknown to me, because I was in fact asleep. I should finish the book by tommorow sometime.

Thank God that my chinese food craving was satisfied otherwise I may have morphed into a scarier version of the pink power ranger, if such a feat is even possible.

I know how I begin and how I end, strung out again

I awoke to a brand new day, way too early in the morning for my personal tastes. It was 8 ish or maybe earlier and my father came in to awake me, for today I would go to church. I lay in bed for five more minutes, in silent rebellion. My own personal revolution was crushed  by none other than my worst enemy, myself. I stood and angrily stalked through the hallway, past my sisters room, toward the kitchen, which was occupied by the mother, whom I gave an angry look. All must feel my pain. I take no prisoners. I eventually woke up and ceased giving the stare of death to all those I met.

At church, I sat and thought. I thought about many important issues, all with great meaning. Everything from world peace, genetic engineering, and if people would notice the weird rash on my hand when we were greeting and then assume I had herpes. "So this is why you haven't been to church....", " I didn't know you were that type of girl", "Maybe you should get that checked out...". Their hypothetical comments stirred withing my head. Then I was onto other things like how I'm not going to get into college, and how I'm always going to be single due to my self defeating tendencies.

After church I came home, ready for a day of only studying.I have SATs on saturday, afterall. This attempt was thwarted by a call from my dear friend Ashley, who wanted to go to Castle Park. I decided to go, because I thought it would be more entertaining than a 6 hour long date with a history book.

Castle Park. The stand-still carnival, with permanent carnies to match. You see, Carnie folk seriously freak me out. I can tolerate them, but wow, they scare me. I have somehow convinced myself that all carnies have some sick disease that has made them the different species they are today. I'm afraid that I may somehow catch this disease and then become a carnie. Some would argue that Castle Park employess do not truly count as carnies, for it is a theme park, not a carnival. But to that I say,"Bolshevik". Yeah, that's right, Russian extremist! Castle park is much worse than a carnival. Your typical carnie travels from city to city, entertaining folks from Mississippi to Nevada, Florida to Washington, thus they never get totally acclamated to one specific enviornment, therefore keeping their "unusualness" for lack of a better word at a minimum. But Castle Park is always going to be in that same place. Behind Target, middle of Riverside. Always. The employees have all the time they want to get used to their work place, and their freakishness then ferments,spreads, grows and takes over their existence like a virus, a bacteria, a carnie plague of sorts. You see the relevance of my fear now, don't you?

You don't need money with a face like that do you honey?

Work today was nice. No rude people that I can recall, no major mess-ups on my part, and the co-workers were cool. Nicole was the manager, and she's my favorite one, too bad she's going to be quitting soon, more than likely. She had a really terrible hangover today, she said she was puking all morning, poor kid.Sonia and Christina were the cooks tonight and they're my favorite ones, both of them are so nice. And they teach me spanish. I love most of the cooks there though, they're so sweet most of the time. And whenever I screw something up they go "AYYYE NINA!" it's funny.

It was pretty slow most of the time so I got to study a bit for my US history SAT, hopefully I'm actually absorbing the information as opposed to just reading and forgetting two and a half seconds later.

When I got home my sister was on the computer, I told her to get off since it is my known routine that when I arrive home from work I go online, but her, being a demon, didn't quite get that for some reason.My mom, for once, took my side and told demon fetus to get out of my room. But my sister says no. My mom says to tell demon to go see her. Demon says no and flips me off. Finally she gets up but tries to turn off the computer just to piss me off, I knew she was gonna try that, so I block it. She and I then get into a pushing fight type thing because she will just not give it up, my mom finally comes in all pissed of and tell my sister to get the hell out of my room and then slams my door. I turn around, and the computer is shutting down. I cuss to myself, for demon is no longer here. But, alas, she comes back in to get her cell phone, and I throw her water bottle at her, she hits me and says "Dont throw stuff at me", and then I slip and say " Well you fucking shut down the computer you little whore." "OoOoH I'm tellling!!!"Result? Mom says,"Samantha, no more language in this house." Eh, whatevahhh.

Tommorow is the first Sunday I've had off in about 6 weeks, so I shall be going to church, blah. It's not that I dislike church, but more that I dislike going to this particular church. I only like a few of the people there because the rest of them strike me as phony people that don't even know why they are at church. I hate how my mother makes such a big deal out of going to the little pot lucks they have afterwards. I seriously do not see why we even go. First of all, we never eat the food there, secondly, the whole purpose of the luncheon is to take part in fellowship, which we never do anyway, we always end up just sitting by ourselves while me and my sister look at my mom wondering when we can leave. The only reason we go is so that people can see that we care, it's all for appearances sake, which really bugs me to no end. Not only that but during the actual message I always lose my concentration, because it drags on something fierce. I liked when we went to big churches, the services lasted an hour, I didn't go insane and all was cool. But now, man oh man, sometimes I wonder if it will ever end. Not to mention that we go to a four square church and we dont even agree with a good portion of their beliefs.My dad is on the church council and one time they actually tried to pressure him into speaking in tongues, they said something about that being the true sign that you are saved. Now, to me that would be a hint that maybe we should go to a church that actually SHARES OUR BELIEFS, but my parents don't seem to see the logic in that.

I really miss my youth group, the original one back in the ninth grade, it was so awesome. The people were cool, the music was actually good since the band knew how to play, I liked my youth pastor and I was actually learning things. Now it's totally different. The kids are all nice and stuff, but I sincerely hate situations where I am one of the oldest people there. I don't like being around people significantly younger than me for some reason, I feel bad about that, but I can't help it. I also don't like how all the middle schoolers have started to mate amongst themselves, it freaks me out. I haven't been to youth group since the last week of summer or maybe before that. And before that I hadn't been since Winter. I'm like the inconsistent member. And it's hard to go back when you haven't been in a long time. Everyone assumes that you went on some 4 month long hiatus from christianity. Or at least thats what you think they're thinking.

I found my best friend from elementary school on MySpace. I don't know if I want to request to be her friend or not though, I hate and fear awkward situations.

"Are you gonna be my girl" by Jet has been on repeat in my head all day, which is interesting seeing as I don't even like them. Also I've been repeating in my head the phrase "Follow your bliss" all day, I almost told a cook at work to follow her bliss, but she probably would have smacked me with a fish taco.